You have got to be kidding!

Rewinding back a few years from my first blog, it was a picturesque autumn morning Ethan had just turned four and Darcey was seven months and being the delightful little world wind that any seven month old is. I was happily settling back into work at the practice but all week I had a peculiar feeling something was up!

Me : “Something’s not right”

Me 2: “Stop being dramatic your fine!”

Me:  “No, seriously I feel a bit funny”

Me 2: “Your grand!! Perhaps you have eaten something that didn’t agree with you?”

Me: “yeah, probably…. But actually what if……???? ”

Enough is enough! Impatience and curiosity two of my many qualities …Euh! I dusted the breakfast crumbs off Ethan, wiped his face (with a baby wipe, ahhh, BAD mother!), bundled the baby in to her car seat and off we set.

When we arrived at the chemist I grabbed the biggest bottle of water I could find then discreetly picked up a double pack of clear blue (of which I’m sure every man and their dog is familiar with thanks to the persistent and somewhat unrealistic YouTube adverts). Then just like the script you couldn’t write who comes waltzing into the chemist and joins the queue behind me but Mrs. Dorman, so called ‘friend of the family’ and gossip of all gossips who frequently likes to voice her opinion on my life choices.

Seriously! I thought, why me? 

“Hello Louise” she said leaning over my shoulder  “you’re looking well!” she remarked in her factitiously friendly tone. As I was sporting tracksuit bottoms and an oversized hoodie with my hair scraped back and a visage naturel, I couldn’t but infer her sarcasm.

“Ahh hello Belinda” I said as if I hadn’t already clocked her presence. I did my best to conceal the pregnancy tests whilst trying not to succumb to her finely tuned interrogation skills, I was clearly struggling so I did what every one of us does best and defaulted to, the weather! (God bless changeable weather, I’m sure it’s saved many a hide.) Then just as the person in front was handing over their money, and for fear of her beady eyes seeing what I was about to buy..

  “Oh Gosh! “ I said,

“I completely forgot shampoo! Id better run back, enjoy the rest of your weekend.” I said in haste

“Oh…ok, well, see you soon” she mumbled, presumably frustrated that the only intelligence she managed to extract was my thoughts on last nights strong winds. HA!

Eventually after a lengthy decision making process on the bath & shower aisle to ensure the coast was clear, I picked up the same shampoo I’ve been buying for at least the past 5 years, scurried to the till, paid and hurried out of the shop as fast as I could carry a baby in a car seat and coax a four year old.

The drive home was driving me to distraction, my brain was working overtime trying to figure out what on earth I was going to do if I was pregnant again. ‘I can’t be pregnant again!! This wasn’t in the PLAN !’ in between moments of sheer panic I was taking massive gulps of water so I wouldn’t have to wait around for the need to pee when I go home and trying to compose myself to answer my son’s persistent requests to go to the park!

Go to the park, I thought…..NOW??   Perhaps the other parents and their offspring would enjoy seeing a public break down ehh?!

When we arrived home I plonked Ethan in front of the TV and thankfully Darcey was fast asleep.  I ran straight into the bathroom whipped the wrapper off, didn’t need to read the instructions, bit of a pro at this stage! Then came the dreaded wait; Clear Blue unlike the £2.99 bargain basement pregnancy sticks is much too fancy to have you watch with anticipation as your pee travels up the stick instead it loads as if it where a web page then flashes the answer at you like those annoying Bet 365 adverts.

3-4 Weeks      3-4 Weeks    3-4 Weeks

“You have got to be kidding!”